New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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