i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
