Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
