i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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