I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
and you fell through a lawn chair
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
