I feel like abortions should bother me more
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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