I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
