Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize