Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
