you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize