I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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