so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
this is an emotional support booty call
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
