found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
