God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Randomize
