i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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