he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
