maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
