i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
