toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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