what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
