you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
