singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize