I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
vagina is talking i cant
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
