is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
