I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He passed out mid-signature
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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