We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
