I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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