i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
