I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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