i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
