Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
