If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I cut my penus on the lid.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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