operation harelip BJ is a go
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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