ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize