Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
