I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
