you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
