I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
