i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
