You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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