Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
