Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
