The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
