You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
