I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
