allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
