there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize