so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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