what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you never un-have a 4some
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
