I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
