aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
