I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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