so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
