You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
