Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
