I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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