i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
