Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
