so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
