She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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