Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
