Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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