my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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