Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
