Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Send help, water and tortillas.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
