i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize