A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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