did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
