Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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